The Five Occupations of Alfred F Jones
by Miss Mairin
Summary: A glance into five alternate dimensions, and the possible job positions Alfred F. Jones had, all five of them equally ridiculous. Honestly, who else other than him would enjoy cleaning skyscraper windows? Cameos made from other characters, with Ivan still somehow finding ways to annoy Alfred.
1. Zookeeper

Chapter 1:

Zookeeper

"Al, you need to wake up now," a voice complained from the doorway. Alfred rolled over in his bed and shoved his head underneath the pillow, groaning and whining. He seemed to say something, but it was muffled by the bed.

"Five more minutes, Mattie," he groaned again, this time understandable, and Matthew could almost hear the pout in his voice.

"You need to get up, we have work in an hour," he explained to Alfred, going to the window and throwing open the curtains. He chuckled when his brother hissed in annoyance, Alfred really never liked mornings. Next, he made his way to the bed and ripped the bedsheets off, earning another groan. "Go shower and get ready, or you won't get any pancakes."

Peeking out from his hands, Alfred looked up at his brother cautiously. He made a few unintelligible noises before asking, "Pancakes?" When his brother nodded, he grinned and shot up off the bed to run to the bathroom.

Matthew shook his head fondly as he ran past him, skidding in the hallway and almost hitting the wall. His brother was a handful, that much was sure. True to his word, he made his way to the kitchen, shuffling in his teddy bear slippers. He stretched his arms above his head, and began making the promised pancakes, which was nearly second nature to him.

Really, he shouldn't have been surprised that Alfred would already be sitting down at the table by the time he finished making pancakes. He smiled affectionately at his brother, and put the plates down in front of the duo.

"You'll need to dry your hair before we leave," Matthew commented as he drowned his pancakes with maple syrup. Apparently, that's how he was so quickly: Alfred showered, but didn't properly dry himself. "I don't want you getting a cold."

"You're such a mother hen," Alfred snorted in return. He watched, mesmerized, as the pancakes disappeared under the waterfall of syrup.

They ate in comfortable silence for a few moments, enjoying the morning before it would get hectic. Matthew tapped his fork on his plate thoughtfully, in deep concentration, while Alfred just gobbled his breakfast down.

"I heard your favorite bear is pregnant," Alfred recalled randomly, starting conversation.

"Kuma? Oh yeah, she is," he answered, beaming with pride. Most of the bears he cared for, like the Grizzly bears, were indifference or maybe only a little bit affectionate, but not Kuma. She bounded up to him every morning for her breakfast and brushing, and Matthew couldn't help but feel loved. "She's such a sweetheart, you know?"

"Yeah I totally get it," Alfred agreed, pancakes in his mouth. He waved his fork and knife in the air animatedly, trying to speak without words. Figuring out his brother couldn't understand him, he swallowed and continued. "Yeah, I get it, like when one of the animals likes you, it's a really nice feeling."

"Who's your favorite again, Al?" Matthew asked politely. He knew he had been told already, but he kept forgetting.

"Dakota, of course," he declared with joy in his eyes. "She's so bad ass though, like she's a lioness, right? So she does all the hunting and she's the ruler in the pride and stuff, it's great. And I mean, who thought that I would be best friends with a pride of lions? Not me, but man am I loving it!"

Matthew smiled, totally understanding what his brother was explaining. After all, it had happened to him with all the different types of bears. Noticing his brother had only paused to take a bite, he tuned in again to hear what was being said.

"You know, I heard the other day, the difference between the male and female lions," Alfred exclaimed, hands moving in the air, and bouncing in his chair excitedly. "It's like, the males fight until someone backs off, but the lionesses fight to the death. How cool is that?!"

"That's very cool, Alfred," Matthew assured, glancing at the clock. "However, you need to go dry your hair. We need to leave soon. Let me do the dishes so we won't be late, alright?"

"Yes, mom," he teased, standing up and leaving to dry his hair.

* * *

><p>"Hi, Dakota, did you miss me?" Alfred called out cheerfully, and strolled into the area of the zoo reserved for the lions. Smiling, he laughed joyfully when his baby girl jumped on him, licking him nonstop. "I missed you too, girl."<p>

The other lions and lionesses circled around him, eager for their breakfast. He kept grinning as he handed out the raw meat to the pride: he really, really hated raw mean, but really, really loved his job. Even when the big cats attacked their breakfast with ferocity he hadn't even seen from his brother in hockey. And his brother playing hockey is brutal.

He did a quick count to make sure everyone was there, but he knew none of the lions would've gotten out. Going about the morning, he made sure the giant water bowls were filled and he did the least favorite part of his job: clearing out the poop. Yuck. But if clearing poop meant being friends with lion, then damn it all, he would clear all the poop in the world!

It also made him feel a little bit better considering his brother had to do it, as well.

Alfred checked his watch, almost 15 minutes until opening. That was another down side though, since the zoo opened at 9am every morning, he had to be there by 7am, which meant getting up ridiculously early. But again, it was okay, because the animals definitely outweighed the cons.

"Hey," Matthew called out when he finally got to the employee-only area. "How'd it go with your precious lions?"

"They're amazing, like always," Alfred responded easily, stripping off his shirt. "Hey, I just thought of something. Why do I shower in the morning when I just have to shower here later?"

"Because you already stink by then, I don't want to be stuck in a car for a half hour with some smelly guy," he scoffed in response. Ignoring the very obvious middle finger courtesy of his brother, he continued to towel off his hair. After a couple seconds, and Alfred very obviously starting to shower, Matthew flipped his hair down and tied in in the twisty-towel that he had always admired his mom for.

Matthew looked up from his magazine a few minutes later to see his brother fresh out of the shower. He smiled when Alfred did the same twisty-towel thing; some things just ran in the family. Alfred went to his employee locker and quickly changed into his zoo employee shirt.

"Hey, what do you have next?" he asked his brother from behind the locker. It was quiet for a moment, when Alfred slammed his locker closed and plopped down at the table.

"Well, it's like almost 9:30am, right?" Matthew asked rhetorically, checking his watch. "I have to watch the birds and make sure the visitors don't try to tempt them with anything until lunch break at 11."

"Ouch, you have the birds? That sucks, man," he drawled in response, leaning back in his chair. "At least we have the same lunch break today. I gotta check out the reptiles till then, too. Then there's some like, vending and guest services. The usual."

"Don't you like the reptiles?" Matthew asked, confused. Alfred only shrugged, seeming uninterested, while he stood up to leave. "Well, I gotta go now though. See you at lunch!"

* * *

><p>Alfred collapsed at the employee table with his lunch and groaned. He put his hands in his face, oblivious that his brother sat across from him with a sympathetic look on his face. Opening his lunch as loud as possible, Matthew thought maybe the sound and smell of food would wake the other up. When it didn't, he started to worry.<p>

"Alfie, what happened?" he asked carefully, and calmly. "What's wrong?"

"Bro, you know I like reptiles, you get that, you said that earlier," Alfred babbled in response. Matthew could only nod in slight confusion. "Yeah, it's true, I like them. Yeah. But bro, the snakes… they were more active today. It was scary. Boa was slithering all over the place and - oh god the rat…"

"Did Ivan feed the big snakes rats in front of you again?"

Alfred whimpered, answering his question. Matthew sighed, and crossed his arms, telling himself he'd have to talk to Ivan about that. Scared Alfred meant Alfred having nightmares which meant Alfred sleeping in his bed.

"Al, I'm gonna need you to take your hands off your face," Matthew requested gently. "Now eat. You'll feel better. I even packed you an extra candy bar."

"You really are a mother hen, Mattie," he teased affectionately. Tentatively, he ate his lunch and was beginning to perk up after every bite. His brother was such a good cook, it was ridiculous. Alfred looked up at his brother to smile and let him know he was okay, and suddenly, all was well again.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Dakota," Alfred said, petting her fur gently. "The zoo closed at 5 today, so I can feed you guys dinner! Isn't that great?"<p>

He watched with awe as the entire group of big cats attacked their meat, downing it within moments. Sometimes (always) he was glad he was the feeder, not the food. Staring out into the large area of land, he wished he could feed his babies every day, but Alfred got too tired after a day of 7am-5pm, so there was no way he could feed them on Friday nights, for example, which close at 9pm.

That thought led him to the new guy he was teaching, his prodigy. Although, he kind of had a feeling that he would be getting possessive over his lions, even if the intern only fed them while Alfred was gone. Honestly he wouldn't be surprised if the intern got bit. Even if his babies were really gentle and just over grown house cats, the intern seemed to be so up in the clouds, it was ridiculous.

He briefly wondered if his brother had the same problem, before shaking his head and moving to do the finishing touches for the dinner. Alfred paused outside the gate, smiling affectionately at all the animals he loved and cared for, before walking away to meet up with Matthew at the car.

"Goodnight!" He called loudly over his shoulder, even if they couldn't understand him. When not only Dakota, but all the big cats roared in response, he stopped in his tracks. Alfred was so overwhelmed with love and emotion for a moment that he forgot how to breathe. A low grumble brought him back, and he had never been happier to be a zookeeper.


	2. Geek Squad

I am so sorry this is probably terrible. I know nothing about computers so hopefully this is okay.

* * *

><p>Chapter 2:<p>

Best Buy [Geek Squad]

"Morning, everyone," Alfred called to his co-workers, yawning. Stretching his arms above his head, he grunted as his short white polo shirt came up to expose his stomach. Stupid shirt.

"You're missing your Geek Squad pin, Al," a young man reading an electronics magazine pointed out. He didn't even need to look up.

"Ah, thanks Eduard!" he responded happily, quickly putting it on. "I don't wanna get in trouble with the boss again. Whatcha reading?"

"It's the newest issue of _Compilation of Computers_," he explained smoothly, lifting the magazine up for Alfred to see. "Honestly, it's not that different from the last time. There hasn't been any interesting additions to computers, besides Windows 8.1, but that's old news. Plus, I prefer Windows Vista, actually."

"Right?!" Alfred exclaimed, "Windows 8 is so obnoxious to use, why are there so many boxes? Windows 7 was where it's at, man."

Eduard nodded, continuing to flip through the magazine, making noises here and there. Alfred watched him for a moment, hoping to continue the conversation, but to no avail. It was eleven am on a Wednesday, and he was really bored: no one ever needed help at this time. Sighing, he walked away and went to get a drink.

He left the break room after a quick coffee, and couldn't help but yawn again. Halfway through the yawn, he froze, hearing someone clear their throat. A customer! Awesome! Alfred spun around and jogged to the counter, subconsciously straightening his pin.

"Hiya!" He announced, smiling charismatically at the two men. "How can I help you two?"

The bigger man of the two coughed, and looked away awkwardly. He put the computer he was carrying down on the counter, and seemed terribly annoyed to be here. The smaller man standing next to him rolled his eyes and huffed.

"Hi! My name is Feliciano! This is Ludwig, and we need help fixing our computer!" the smaller man announced happily, casually throwing up a peace sign. Alfred smiled, this was his type of customer.

"Can you tell me what's wrong with it?" he asked politely, looking from Feliciano to Ludwig. Though Feliciano seemed to be the charismatic one, Alfred had a feeling that Ludwig would be more serious and knew what was wrong.

The blond mumbled something, and he strained to hear it. Ludwig cleared his throat and tried again. "I think, uh, he downloaded a virus."

"What type?" Alfred inquired professionally, "Trojan? Spyware? Malware? Spam virus?"

When his inquiry was met with two confused stares and one dazed Feliciano, he was unsure of how to feel. He felt irritated that they had no idea what was wrong, but also overjoyed that there was something to actually do.

"Okay…" he trailed off, eyeing the computer, before grabbing it and opening it. "Let me just take a look at it for a sec, alright?"

Alfred quickly opened the laptop and logged in, searching around inside the data. He made affirmative noises once in a while, frowning sometimes too. Many furious clicks and taps could be heard, and Ludwig exchanged a confused glance with Feliciano. After a few minutes, Alfred sighed and put his hands on his hips.

"Well, it definitely could be worse," he offered generously. "It could be way worse, actually. It seems like someone's browsing history could be cleaner, considering the amount of crappy websites that have been visited."

Alfred stifled a laugh when the blond glared down at the man next to him. Apparently it was obvious who messed the computer up.

"Luckily," he added, "It's not that bad. Right now, I'm doing a system restore, which changes the computer back to a previous checkpoint. I'm not sure what will be saved, it depends on how far it goes back and how much work you guys have done."

"I hate you, Feli," Ludwig groaned and put his head on the counter. "I had so many presentations on there…"

"Well," Alfred chuckled awkwardly, before the conversation could get any worse. "Just be careful from now on. You should probably do regular backups of your presentations and information, like on DVDs and flash drives. Really, it's not a big deal."

Feliciano was petting Ludwig's head, and he had to look away to keep from bursting into laughter. They were literally so gay for each other, it was ridiculous. Though, he had to admit, they were kind of a cute couple.

Alfred turned his attention back to the computer, and waited patiently as it rebooted all the way. Several minutes passed, and he watched the couple for a while to pass the time, and was overjoyed when the computer came back on. He quickly logged in and took a quick look around the place.

"Well, it seems like a lot of stuff was lost," he admitted mournfully, "But it looks like the computer will be okay and the rest was saved."

"Thank you so much," Ludwig said, and moved to take the computer. Feliciano ran off, presumably to go look at new phones. "What are some tips to keep it this way?"

"Honestly?" Alfred asked cautiously, but continued when he nodded. "Watch what websites he goes to. He needs to be careful on where he goes and why. That's it, really, and making sure you have copies of your stuff."

Ludwig contemplated this for a moment, but nodded anyway. He knew it was Feli's fault, but it didn't matter anymore. "Thanks."

* * *

><p>"Noooo…" Alfred groaned, his head falling into his hands. He had forgotten his lunch, and break wasn't long enough to go out and get some. But he was starving! And it was obvious! People had already commented on how loud his stomach was growling…<p>

He suddenly shot up, an ingenious idea coming to him. Shoving his hand into his pocket, he grabbed his wallet to see if he had any dollar bills. He cursed, seeing no cash, but wasn't daunted as he dumped all the change he had onto the table, and started counting.

25 cents, 50 cents, 60 cents, 70 cents, 75 cents, 76 cents, 77 cents…

"Come on!" Alfred shouted, trying to dig through his jeans pockets or his wallet. "I just needed three more cents for a bag of cheetos!" He pouted as he unhappily gathered his change, before noticing a nickel had rolled onto the floor.

He had never been as overjoyed in his life was he was right then. It even left him with two extra pennies, not that he knew what to do with them. Alfred puffed up his chest in pride and went to the vending machines to get his delicious cheetos. If he was honest with himself, he would've said he skipped there.

Slipping the change into the slots, he beamed as the clunk of each coin got him closer to food. And oh boy, was he starving. When he finally arrived at 80 cents, he took a precious moment to take in the pure bliss that was happening. The moment of truth, he thought to himself, and pressed D4 happily.

Nothing happened.

He pressed it again, and again, starting to freak out. Why wasn't his food dropping? He turned to face the glass, and noticed that his bag of cheetos was hanging off the hook, but hadn't fallen.

"Damn it!" Alfred shouted to no one, just to soothe his irritation. Of course this would happen, it was just his luck. He turned his back on the machine, and slid to the floor, defeated. But it was only sitting on the floor did he notice how close the cheetos were to the drop area.

It was obvious what had to be done now.

* * *

><p>"Alfred?!" Kiku yelped in surprise. He didn't think he would see his co worker in the vending machine area, the man usually brought his lunch.<p>

"Uh, haha, hi," he chuckled awkwardly in response, "How you doing, Kiku?"

He definitely didn't think he would see his co worker in the vending machine area, sitting on the ground with his arm stuck inside, looking up at him trying to have a completely normal conversation. No, Kiku was definitely not prepared for this.

"I'm fine, thank you Alfred," he responded habitually, and blinked down at his co worker. Turning around, he quickly let out a string of giggles, before turning back to the man in need. "Don't you think you should've learned from the first time this happened?"

"You still seemed pretty surprised," Alfred pointed out with a grin. "So that should count for something. Plus I was really, really, hungry."

"You want this to happen so many times I won't be surprised anymore?!" Kiku exclaimed, sure that his co worker had gone insane. His head reeled in confusion, and he knew he would have a headache by the end of the day. Breathing steadily, he looked down again.

What met him was Alfred looking up at him with puppy eyes, and wow, was he good at puppy eyes. He was practically begging for help, which was understandable, Kiku thought, considering how awkward of an angle that seemed to be.

"You know," Kiku began, shaking his head fondly as he bent down to help, "For a genius with electronics, you sure are an idiot."

"Yeah, I know," Alfred laughed and maneuvered himself into an easier angle to get out of the vending machine. After a few experimental tugs from Kiku, they managed to get his arm unstuck.

The two men stood up, and Alfred stretched his arm out. It had been getting numb, and that wasn't a pleasant feeling. Suddenly, a soft thunk was heard, and both men turned back to the vending machine. Alfred broke into a giant smile and stuck his hand in the drop off, only to pull out the cheetos.

"I guess this job isn't all bad, huh?" he joked, opening the bag and savoring the taste of each cheeto. "Not bad at all."


	3. Window Washer

It's really hard to explain what a squeegee is, so if you don't know what it is, look it up. It's like the long sponge thing you use when you wash your car's windshields, idk. I tried to find an easier word that people would understand, but it didn't work very well.

* * *

><p>Chapter 3:<p>

Window Washer

Ignoring the window in front of him, Alfred turned in his seat to change the channel on the radio. He went through several stations, irritated that they all were announcing commercials, before finally stopping on a top 100 radio station. It could be worse.

Leaning back, but not too far, he sighed and stared up at the sky. The lowering sun glinted on the newly washed windows above him, and he felt a momentary swell of pride: he cleaned those windows, nearly twenty stories off the ground.

Feeling a renewed sense of motivation, he went back to cleaning the window facing him. Alfred grabbed the spray bottle and spritzed the entire window with cleaning fluid, using the window squeegee to soak it up, leaving the window dry and clean. He held the tool over one of his buckets, and squeezed the dirty water out of the sponge part. Repeated twice more, all with the same meticulous attitude, he finally sighed after the routine was over. Whoever thought a window needed to be cleaned three times needed to relax.

But, at least another window was finished.

He looked down, surprised to see that he was in the middle of the hotel, maybe the ninth or tenth floor, but he couldn't be sure which. That meant that Alfred only had a few more floors to finish. When he said floor, he meant the three window wide area that he had been facing all day in his one-man chair, not the entire floor of windows.

Anderson, one of Alfred's fellow window washers, had done the first six floors, but with more windows on each floor. Apparently, he and his quieter counterpart, Emil, had used the ground lift platform, making it infinitely easier than being suspended from the roof. Of course, using the lift platform made it easy to clean the windows, and then go back to the ground to move it to the next area.

Too bad they were missing out on the view.

Alfred shook his head, and reminded himself to concentrate on cleaning. If he didn't get a move on, he wouldn't finish by the time the sun went down. To make matters worse, this specific hotel didn't have any bright overhead lights, so it'd be incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to finish his job.

Quickly grabbing the ropes that were suspending his body, he lowered himself slowly until he reached the next window to be cleaned. He locked the ropes in place, tugging and fastening so the belay device was secure.

Starting the routine that was quickly becoming second nature, he sprayed the bottle full of cleaning liquid onto the window and began his window washing. Alfred nodded his head to the song that just came on, and was just about to start the third repetition when he heard something. Stopping, he perked his ears carefully, and thought he heard someone calling for him. Confused, he turned his radio off for a moment and glanced at the surrounding area.

"Holy shit!" Alfred yelped, nearly dropping the spray bottle he was holding. His eyes were wide, startled by the young man leaning out the window on the floor below him. The man chuckled and his eyes were soft, radiating kindness.

"Sorry, did I scare you?" He apologized shyly, though it was obvious he wasn't entirely sorry. In retrospect, it was pretty funny.

"Yeah man," Alfred laughed in return, "I didn't even know these windows could open!"

"Me neither," the man admitted, smiling softly. He looked out the window, towards the city sky line and admired the colors decorating the sky. "But the sunset was so pretty, I just had to try."

Alfred paused for a moment, taking in the details of the man talking to him. It seemed like he was some sort of business man, he was wearing a long sleeve collared shirt, obviously ruffled by a business jacket or suit that covered it.

"What's your name?" He blurted, chuckling with a twinkle in his eye. "It's getting boring calling you 'that guy' in my head."

"Oh, me?" that guy asked rhetorically, even though no one else was there. "My name's Toris. What's yours?"

"Nice to meet you, Toris. I'm Alfred," the window washer replied easily. He turned his attention and quickly finished up the window, eager to move down to the next floor: it would be easier to talk to Toris like that.

Alfred easily maneuvered the belay device, moving the ropes and lowering himself to the next floor. Looking down quickly, he counted the floors between him and the ground. Incredibly glad that he counted six, he realized that this would be the last floor he would have to do. It was amazing when things like this worked out.

"Isn't being a window washer really scary and dangerous?" Toris inquired, watching carefully as his new friend sprayed the window with something. Stretching, Toris heard his back pop and sighed happily. He leaned out the window again, crossing his right arm over the other, settling into a comfortable position while still being able to converse.

"Nah, not really," Alfred responded over his shoulder. He wiped the window off with the squeegee, making sure all the liquid was removed. "There has only been one death in the past four years in the entire United States."

"Wow," Toris breathed, incredibly surprised. He thought there would have been more deaths, but he supposed that there were lots of rules and regulations. Plus, the window washer he was currently watching seemed to know what he was doing.

Fascinated, he watched as the same two steps were completed again: the spray bottle, and then the squeegee.

"Yeah, and it's only scary if you can't handle heights," Alfred added, pausing from cleaning to glance over at Toris. He laughed, noticing the disgusted look on the other man's face. Guess he didn't like heights. "Personally, I find it invigorating."

Toris smiled, and was thoroughly enjoying talking to the random window washer he had come across. "I definitely don't think I could find it… invigorating. I'd probably cry. What about your co workers, what do they think of it as?"

He snorted, and wiped a fake tear away. Finishing up the final touches for the window, he responded, "I'm pretty sure one of my co workers joined just to piss me off."

"Really?" Toris wondered. "How does that even work?"

"Okay, well maybe he didn't_ join_ to piss me off," Alfred admitted, shrugging his shoulders. "But! He definitely goes out of my way to piss me off, that jerk."

"What happened?"

Alfred looked side to side, almost as if he was checking to see if people were listening. Toris chuckled, finding that ridiculous, considering they were seven stories off the ground and the other man was suspended in mid air, but he didn't say anything. All he did was lean forward and enjoy the story.

"Okay so like, this guy name is Ivan, right? Well apparently he was a window washer before me, but that definitely doesn't matter."

Toris nodded, egging him on.

"For some reason, either he hates me or he's one of those guys from like, preschool where they pull the pigtail of the girl they like. I'm not sure which one I would want… but either way, he likes to annoy me."

Alfred paused, taking a moment to glare at the man at the window. Even if he had tried to hide it, he definitely heard the giggle. Toris blushed and smiled apologetically, waiting for him to continue the story.

"So, one day, I get a job offer for a really, really easy job and incredible money. Obviously, I take it, but apparently one of the rules is that you get paid by how many windows you clean. Ones that pass their inspection, I mean. Anyway," he scrunched up his nose in disgust, here, before moving on in his story, "I show up, and guess who's there? Ivan! Ivan's there, and I get so mad, because everyone knows I don't work well with him."

"Wait," Toris interrupted, "Why don't you work well with him?"

Alfred rolled his eyes and scoffed. "We're two very, very different people, with different ideals and values. Let's just leave it at that," he explained, the serious expression on his face looking very out of place. Of course, seconds later, he was smiling again. "Do you want a candy bar?"

"Did you really bring candy bars with you?" Toris asked incredulous, but chuckled and gave up when Alfred nodded. "Sure, I'll take a snickers."

"Nice choice," he approved with a smirk, and took a bite of his own kit-kat. "Back to the story. So I said you get paid by the window, right, and I show up, and apparently Ivan has already done nearly a third of them. Like, I need to pay my rent too, dirtbag. I immediately get to work, and get into the chair suspender thing I'm in right now, but he keeps telling me I can't do certain windows."

Alfred paused, frowning and looking unsure if he wanted to continue. Toris smiled gently at him, and he sighed and relented.

"I asked, why can't I do those windows, and you know what he says?" Alfred glared at nothing in particular, before spitting the next part out. "My initials are on it."

"No way!" Toris exclaimed, trying not to giggle, even if it was a little bit funny. Alfred was obviously offended, so it would be rude of him to be laughing.

"Yeah! And I totally lost it. I thought he'd be lying, so I go to the windows, and the initials are right there, liking he's signing some amazing piece of artwork. 'I.B.'" He crossed his arms, and barked out a laugh. Seconds later, he relaxed and smiled again. "It doesn't really matter though, I mean, he's not a really terrible guy, he just likes to push my buttons."

"Well, you're not such a bad guy either, Alfred," Toris pointed out, smiling at him.

Looking back at his new friend, Alfred grinned, a real, full-of-happiness grins that he hardly ever had. "Well, if anything, you're the good guy," he countered, blue eyes sparkling. "No one ever listens to me talk for this long, they usually get annoyed and leave, but you didn't. So thanks. Like, a lot."

"You're welcome, Alfred," Toris returned easily. They sat in comfortable silence, and he moved his hand up to his cheek, and held his head in his hand as he thought silently for a moment. Suddenly, he remembered a question he wanted to ask earlier, but had forgotten to.

"Do you have to do it three times? That kind of seems excessive."

"It definitely is excessive," Alfred replied in a heartbeat. "But it's what the boss of this hotel requested, so we gotta listen to it."

"Huh," Toris mumbled, and closed his eyes. He thought silently for a moment, before commenting, "You know, I saw a machine cleaning the windows a couple weeks ago. What do you think of those?"

They were quiet again, the only sounds being the clinking of different tools being put away. Toris waited patiently for the other to answer. Opening one eye, he noticed Alfred staring off into space, before snapping into reality and turning to face him.

"Some of us think there's an art to what we do," he described, dead serious and scoffed. "Have you seen what we do? We can clean windows a hundred stories off the ground. I've seen those machines, but I firmly believe the man on the glass washing the windows does it the best."

Toris smiled at him, nodding in acceptance. "It's really neat what you do, Alfred. I don't think I could do what you do, so I really admire it."

"Thanks," he beamed, and leaned against one of the ropes holding him up. Toris watched carefully as he looked up at the darkening sky, reflected on the windows he had personally cleaned. Alfred smiled modestly and looked carefully over his city, taking in the sounds and sights that one could only see from a height. Without looking back, he murmured affectionately, "I'm in no rush to look for a new job, Toris. I'm happy right here, watching over this city."


	4. Radio DJ

So… this chapter is written as if you're listening to the radio itself. Therefore, this will probably be really boring, sorry, but if you want music to listen to, here you go. I even made a playlist with all the songs, in order, so you don't have to keep going back and forth.

If you want, check it out on spotify radiohostjones

Unfortunately, since it's spotify, that means I am missing the last song, considering Taylor Swift removed her music. Sorry.

* * *

><p>Chapter 4:<p>

Radio D.J.

Good afternoon, everyone! Alfred F. Jones here, and I'll be with you guys for the rest of the day! The song you just heard is a very special one to me, and in my opinion, an American classic. That was American Pie by Don McLean.

Don't forget to submit questions and requests for songs! You still have time to submit for the 4 o'clock Q&A and the 5 o'clock request (half) hour, so please hurry and get those in. Submit at my twitter radiohostjones, but you better hurry or we might not air your requests!

As a lot of you know, Fall Out Boy recently released their newest album, American Beauty/American Psycho and I am mighty impressed. You guys have probably heard Centuries a million times already, so I'm playing my personal favorite, Uma Thurman! Enjoy!

Oh man, that song gets me pumped up each time. I kind of want to go home and watch Pulp Fiction now. And now, for three straight classics! Try not to sing along too loudly, haha.

… And that was Stevie Wonder with Sir Duke, followed by one of the best songs ever created, Bohemian Rhapsody sung by Queen. The classic trio ended with a-ha and their world wide phenomenon, Take On Me!

As much as I want to get back to the music, my bosses say I have to say something about the Saturday afternoon traffic. In a nutshell, it's boring. But since I do need to pay rent, highway 265 is looking clear both southbound and northbound, while interstate 38 has a small crash that's clogging up the traffic eastbound. I hope y'all stuck in traffic are listening to 177.6 KMUS!

Finally back to the music, I wish it was always about the music, ya know? Sorry for all you classic rock fans out there, I've gotta do my share of new music. Personally, this song is one of my guilty pleasures, so maybe you guys will like it as well. Talk Dirty to Me, by Jason Derulo! (Jason Derulo)

Wow, I forgot how dirty that song actually is, haha. Anyway, for my girls out there, these songs are for you! Rock out with your pony tails (or short hair, I don't judge) to these kick butt girls! First up is Girls Just Want to Have Fun, by Cyndi Lauper.

Haha, I'm pretty sure I know all the lyrics to that one. I'm still with you, girls, so keep rocking on to these next two songs: Beyonce with Run the World (Girls) and Spice Girls with Wannabe!

Welcome back, everyone! Just one last reminder, you only have a little less than ten minutes to submit questions, so get going, I wanna answer your questions. Also, if anyone wants to request a song, you still have an hour until 5 o'clock, so get on that!

The last two songs that will be playing before the question segment are songs that are or were really popular, and for good reason. They're great songs. Dance like an idiot to Jessie's Girl by Rick Springfield, and then transition into a smooth, cool dance with AWOLnation's Sail! See you in ten.

Yup, I did. I did sneak that song in there. For those living under a rock, that song was Never Gonna Give You Up. I wonder if Rick Astley knows that his song was turned into an internet joke. Anyway, it indeed is time for the question segment.

For anyone just joining me, I'm Alfred F. Jones and I'm the radio host for the rest of the afternoon! Right now I'll be answering questions, but if you want to request songs, tweet me radiohostjones.

The first question comes from a Vash, and he's asking 'Alfred, why do you play such songs that could ruin the innocence of some?' Uh, well, Vash… The songs are censored, I don't know what else you want me to do, sorry!

Haha, uh, let's get to a new question. This one is from Elizabeta, and she asks 'why are guys so stupid?' I don't know Eliza, but we definitely are. Oh, wait, there's a second part. 'Why are guys so hot? Like especially when they're together?' Um… I… don't know.

… Moving on, then…

This is from Francis, and he's asking something in French that I'm not going to repeat for two reasons. One, Francis, this is a PG radio station, please go use that accent elsewhere. Second, I actually suck at French so… yeah!

Hopefully there are some better questions now, these have been really weird.

Someone named Arthur Kirkland writes 'whatever Francis said ignore it, he's an idiot.' Really? Really guys? Can I get some normal questions? Stop communicating through my freaking radio show!

Okay, okay. Everything's fine. Yeah. Let's go.

Next question. Erika wrote, in very nice cursive I may add, 'Alfred, what's your favorite color? Mine is purple!' Thank you so much Erika for a normal question, you're my saviour. What a coincidence, my favorite color is purple too! Which is funny, because everyone thinks it would be red or blue or something. Dunno why.

Oh, look at the time, there's only enough for one more question! Who's the lucky listener?! Someone that goes by the initials I.B. writes 'you will join my station, yes?'

IVAN! I know that's you! Stop sending me questions, I'm not going to join your station. I don't even like heavy metal!

Haha, uh, time has definitely, uh, flown, hasn't it? I guess I should play more music. Yeah, more… music… Enjoy.

The last two songs, respectively, were Tainted Love by Soft Cell and Alejandro by the almighty Lady Gaga. Very different, but somehow kind of have the same electronic feel to it, don't you think? One last song before the 4:30 weather, yeah?

… If none of you got the hint, it's going to be raining a lot tonight and tomorrow. That was The Weather Girls, announcing that It's Raining! Men! Everyone better pack an umbrella, you guys will need it. Bring a jacket too, it's supposed to get chilly overnight and I don't want any of my precious listeners to get sick!

A quick update on that traffic from earlier, the crash has been cleared and everything's moving smoothly. There aren't any hold ups, so your drive home should be clear! Take the time from being stuck in traffic, and dance to this song in the car. Up right now is Uptown Funk, with Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars.

Mm, yup, those are really catchy songs. After Uptown Funk, Jealous by Nick Jonas was played. Remember when he was in the Jonas Brothers? Me too! Real quick throwback to 2008, when the Jonas Brothers were still popular together. Let's give a listen to Burnin' Up!

Ahh, yes, the good times. A quick listen to a few new songs that have been gaining popularity, and then I'll be taking requests from the audience! The next two songs will be Bleachers singing I Wanna Get Better and Greek Fire with Top of the World. They're gonna be big hits in no time, no doubt about it.

Apparently, one of my friends knows the main singer of Greek Fire, so I mean, that's cool. For the last song before the request (half) hour, is one of my personal favorites. It's so flowery and sweet, you're just unable to be mad when you listen to this. I dedicate this to Erika, the only sane person from the questions. You're awesome!

I always end up with smiles with that song! Build Me Up Buttercup by the Foundations finishes off my time as radio dj, and now for the last half hour of my shift, I will be playing 100% requests from my awesome listeners!

Ooh, interesting song choice for the first request. It's from Gilbert for Do You Realize by The Flaming Lips. Apparently, he wants me to dedicate this to his very special birdie, whatever that means haha. Let's take a listen.

So, basically telling 'birdie' you love them, huh? Cute, but I can only hope that you knew they were listening or not. Always such a good song though.

Oh man, hahaha, this is great! Germania (is that a nickname?) is requesting a teenage anthem! He's specially requesting Teenagers by My Chemical Romance. Oh, and he also has a special note for me to read. It says for all the teenagers to get off his lawn! Hahaha, just kidding! Enjoy and try not to overturn a car.

Wow, every time I hear that song, I want to get a tattoo. Anyone know a good tattoo parlor?

Anyways, moving on, we have a request for a throwback! Awesome! Felix wants Forever by Chris Brown, and I quote, 'because it's my jam'. Me too, Felix, me too. That song will forever remind me of the episode of the Office where Jim & Pam get married. Shout out to anyone who knows what I'm talking about.

Aww, how sweet. This next song is requested by Feliciano for his brother. How adorable is that? Brotherly love, that's where it's at man, love ya Mattie~ The song requested is Stuck in the Middle with You by Stealers Wheel. Cute!

I wonder what you guys are stuck in the middle of. Either way, when you have your brother, nothing can get you down. You two rock. Okay, there's ten minutes left for my shift, which means there can be three requests granted! Let's do this!

The first of three, is Not a Bad Thing by Justin Timberlake, which was very kindly requested by Antonio. Thanks, Antonio, this is such a great song. I hope you all enjoy it as well!

Dang right it's not a bad thing to fall in love! But I guess people don't see the same way. Ah well. The next request is from - Roderich. Really, did you send in a request just so I would play classical music? Jokes on you, cuz this song is great. It's perfect for star gazing or trying to be creative, so there. Everyone enjoy the soft serenade of Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros, because I know Roderich and I will.

Wow… Chills, every time. Just wow. I don't really know how to transition, but…

How can we end the day without any T Swift?! Unbelievable! This is a very special request for I'm Only Me When I'm With You from Berwald, dedicated to his, uh… wife, Tino. Isn't that cute?

It's been a great afternoon, everybody. Enjoy and have a good night, world! Alfred F. Jones signing off!


	5. Build-a-Bear

The last chapter, yay! This is also the longest by far, and I had so much fun writing this one. Please enjoy & comment, favorite, whatever you guys do! Thanks for sticking with me for this series, I appreciate it.

* * *

><p>Chapter 5:<p>

Build-a-Bear Workshop

Alfred shuffled in the back room employee door, coming back from his mid morning break, feeling refreshed and ready for the oncoming flow of parents and their little kids. And boy, did he need to be ready.

Every day, there were two periods of times that the mall, and most importantly: Build-a-Bear Workshop, was always crowded with people. The parents and their kids were the lunch rush: they always seemed to come during weekdays at lunch, probably coming after their morning kindergarten. They could be seen at the food court, eating a quick lunch while the telltale house shaped box sat next to the child, telling the world that yes, that child went to Build-a-Bear Workshop.

The second rush was the evening rush, more diverse than its morning partner. Teenagers came to the mall after school, eating at the food court and wandering around, giggling as they made teddy bears for their friends - or more embarrassingly - their significant others. Parents who got off work in the evening were more often than not cajoled into bringing their young child to the mall, being forcefully dragged - who knew children could be so strong? - to Build-a-Bear Workshop. Only then would the child be satisfied.

And what about the weekend?

The weekend was a combination of both rushes, anyone could walk into the store at any time, and no one would judge them or even care. There had been old men treating their Alzheimer's ridden wives to a cute teddy bear, or a big sister getting a remember-me present for her younger brother before going off to college, or even - and this was Alfred's favorite - a little boy getting an adorable dog with a princess crown for the little girl with down syndrome staring wistfully in the window.

Really, even if it was just another store in the mall, it meant everything to him. Even if the store was known for being childish, even if it was just a bit expensive, or even if everyone thought he was crazy, Alfred was in love. Build-a-Bear Workshop was extraordinary, the smiles from young kids and adults alike were spectacular, the people who came in to get a stuffed animal for someone special in their life, it all added up to one thing: the place was magical, and he would never get tired of seeing people happy.

* * *

><p>"Here you go, your stuffed animal's birth certificate," Alfred announced happily, extending his hand. The little girl beamed, and took the paper with extreme care, her eyes sparkling. Her eyes roamed the paper, taking in every little detail, before looking up at Alfred. He smiled back at her, bending down to lessen the height differences, and commented, "Congratulations, you officially are the owner of a very cute elephant by the name of Jellybean! Now why don't you go take her home and show her your room?"<p>

"I will!" The girl declared, and followed her mother to the exit. She held Jellybean close to her, while her mother had the house and all of the clothes they bought, leaving an arm free for the little girl. Turning around one last time before she was completely gone, she waved and called out, "Thank you!"

Sighing with content, Alfred turned around and stretched, surveying the rest of the store. All the customers seemed to be know what they were doing, or were being helped by a store employee. Antonio was currently stretching to grab some clothes from the top shelf for a little kid he was helping, Matthew was manning the stuffing station, and the rest of the crew was off helping specific customers.

A few moments later, the sliding door opened, catching Alfred's attention. He turned back around to face the front, and went up to the two young men, both taking in the feel of Build-a-Bear Workshop. One looked incredibly excited, and the other looked incredibly embarrassed. It was kind of cute, actually.

"Hi you guys! Do you need any help?" He inquired, gesturing to the store. Of course, neither of them acknowledged him at all, save for a shy nod from the brunet. The blond young man, who was absolutely ecstatic, grabbed his partner's arm and pulled him to the wall filled with the animals. More to himself than anything, Alfred commented, "Or you can just browse. It's all yours."

Backing away, he watched the couple with curiosity. He learned both their names within a matter of seconds: Feliks was the blond, the brunet had said his name in an attempt to calm him down, but it hadn't really worked. Feliks called his partner Toris, followed by a rapid fire amount of conversation.

The couple - it was obvious they were more than friends - stayed at the animal section for a few minutes. Feliks pointed out many different animals that Toris _should, like, totally get. _"Look, Toris! They even have a sea lion! Like, how cool is that? It's way adorable too!"

"But it's expensive…" Toris said, looking at the price tag on the shelf with wistful eyes. "I don't want to spend that much money on just a stuffed animal."

"Don't worry about it, Liet! I'm like, paying for the entire thing," Feliks reassured him. He grabbed the sea lion and pushed it into his (boy?)friend's arms. "This is like, all for you, remember? Get everything you want!"

Toris blushed, nodding as he took the limp shape of the sea lion to the stuffing station. Both Feliks and Alfred followed, Feliks getting in line while Alfred went to stand by his coworker. Matthew looked up briefly to acknowledge his friend, and smiled, before going back to work helping the child currently stuffing their teddy bear.

Alfred watched the store casually as the two talked about nothing in particular. Toris filled his sea lion with stuffing with ease, smiling shyly as he put the satin heart inside, and moved on to get the clothes. The couple was really cute together, and he couldn't help but feel a tad jealous. Especially when Toris kept blushing, picking out clothes with his boyfriend, and both of them seemed excited. Even if Alfred was a little jealous, the happiness and delight that they were emitting far outweighed any negative emotion. It made him happy, seeing two people bubbling with glee over just a single stuffed animal.

Build-a-Bear Workshop truly was a wonderful place to be.

* * *

><p>Alfred wiped his hands on his khaki pants, trying to dry them the rest of the way. He really much prefered plain paper towel to dry his hands, as opposed to the weak hand dryers, but it wasn't his mall, or his bathrooms, after all. Checking the clock in the bathroom hallway, more as a habit than anything, he noted it was 9:30pm.<p>

Entering the store, he glanced around, easily spotting a dark blue shirt and red vest combination uniform that stood out from the customer's clothing. He jogged over to his coworker, strategically asking how everything was going.

"How are you holding up, Feli?" He asked, taking a long look around the store. The flow of customers had slowed considerably, but everything and everyone seemed to still be in working order, so that was good. Plus, a happy Feliciano made for happy kids. They loved him.

"I'm doing great, Alfred! I'm a little tired considering it's almost closing time, and I think everyone else is too, but it should be fine now that you're back and awake," Feli chirped in response, a cheerful smile adorning his face.

The telltale ding and sliding whoosh from the front of the store alerted the two to a new customer. Without even looking, and with a certain flair that can only come with experience, the two faced each other and posed in an action pose.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!

"My turn this time, huh?" Alfred chuckled lightheartedly, staring at the rock he had made with his hand, covered by Feliciano's small hand. They let go simultaneously and grinned at each other, with no hard feelings. Even though Alfred had technically lost, he only lost the rock paper scissors match, they both knew he enjoyed working with customers.

(The kids enjoyed the show.)

Alfred turned towards the front of the store with a smile, and quickly walked up to their newest customers. He looked down at the little boy, smiling and crouching down to eye level. The boy seemed to be about five, and wasn't wary of him in the slightest.

"Hi! Welcome to Build-a-Bear Workshop, my name is Alfred, what's yours?" He asked sweetly, still at eye level.

"My name is Peter!" The kid announced happily, bouncing up and down in place. Peter looked around the store with wide eyes, and pulled on his adult companion's shirt sleeve excitedly, "This is my big brother, and he's going to buy me a teddy bear because he was being a jerk-face and wouldn't let me take the lion from the zoo home."

An amused chuckle came from above Alfred, grabbing his attention. He looked up at the brother from his crouched position, and suddenly: he was very, very glad he lost the competition. The man was gorgeous, with piercing green eyes and messy blond hair, finished with giant eyebrows and an expression that seemed to be halfway between a smirk and a scowl. It didn't really look out place either, almost like the expression belonged there.

Alfred could vaguely hear the whoosh coming from the door again, and hardly processed that the newest people were taken care of by someone with a Chinese accent. (_Yao, _his mind helpfully supplied.) All in all, he wasn't sure what happened, but time stopped for a moment and he knew he was not only blushing, but probably gaping like an idiot as well.

He _definitely_ knew he was an idiot, because the man snorted again and rolled his eyes. Crossing his arms, the older brother looked down at Peter who was giving him terribly inaccurate puppy eyes, and groaned.

"I'm Arthur," the man explained with a smirk, "Now that we have that out of the way, can you please close your mouth and get my little brother a stupid stuffed animal? It's getting late and I'm sure everyone here wants to go home soon, too."

"Oh, uh, yeah, of course," Alfred stumbled, jumping to his feet. He took one more look at Arthur, before flashing his award-winning, girl-swooning smile, and held out his hand for Peter to take. When all the smile earned was an annoyed huff and an eye roll, Alfred slightly pouted and instead lead Peter to the wall covered with various types of stuffed animals.

The hand holding wasn't necessary at all, the wall was literally a few feet away from the entrance, and Alfred usually didn't hold hands with the kids either. It probably had to do with the fact Arthur was smokin', and he wanted to impress him with his children skills.

Not really; he was just a dazed idiot.

Alfred smiled, genuinely happy, as he watched Peter gasp and take in the huge variety of animals. He looked over to Arthur, who looked more relieved than anything. As a conversation starter, he went to Arthur's side and commented, "Must be a handful, if he wanted to take home the zoo's lion."

"You have no idea," Arthur muttered, but the small smile didn't go unnoticed. He glanced at the wall as well, impressed at the different types of animals. There were even some Disney and My Little Pony characters. Peter seemed to be eyeing a King Penguin, and Arthur huffed, "How can little kids be so good at guilt-tripping someone? I really didn't want to be here, you know."

"What, is this ruining your manliness?" Alfred teased, reaching to a top shelf to grab the King Penguin for Peter as Arthur scowled. He handed the little boy the stuffed penguin, ushering him to the stuffing station.

Matthew, who had been running the stuffing machine for an incredibly long time, seemed exhausted. Noticing this, Alfred smiled at his friend and offered, "Matt, if you're tired, you can leave. I'll man the stuffing machine, there shouldn't be any other people entering. Emma put the closed sign up already."

"You're a life saver, Al," Matthew admitted, sighing in relief. He stretched, standing up and giving the seat for the machine to his coworker. The two brothers stood there quietly, Peter being surprisingly polite and quiet while the two friends conversed. Smiling at Alfred, he continued, "If Emma put the sign up, no one else should be coming in. Make sure these guys have a great time."

"I will! See you, Matt," Alfred called to his friend as he walked away. Plopping down in the spinning stuffing machine chair, he turned to Arthur and Peter and grinned. "I'll make sure you two have the most fun you've ever had!"

Arthur laughed sharply, rolling his eyes.

"That means you too, Arthur," Alfred retorted, eyes sparkling. Grabbing the box of small satin hearts, he held it out for Peter to take one. Alfred traded the heart to Peter for his penguin. "Okay now Peter, I'm gonna put your penguin on this small pipe, okay, and I'm gonna stuff it. While I'm doing that, rub the small heart in between your hands. Can you do that for me?"

"Yup!" he squealed in response, furiously warming up the heart with his hands. Peter watched in awe as the penguin went from completely limp to filled more than halfway with stuffing. The penguin was taken off and held out for him to feel, if it was soft or hard enough for him. When Peter shook his head, Alfred filled the animal up a tad more, holding it out again for the kid's approval. The blond child broke into a bright smile, nodding his head feverishly, "It feels great! Now what, now what?"

"Now, you see that heart you're still holding, Peter?" Alfred reminded, waiting for Peter to nod again. When he did, Alfred looked at Arthur with a smirk, and started his Build-a-Bear Heart speech. "You've already warmed it up, that's wonderful. Now you have to hold it against your own heart, to share the love. Help your penguin understand what it means to love. You have to be a good role model for your stuffed animal, okay, Peter? Remember that."

"Yeah, I can do that!" Peter exclaimed, his hand holding the satin heart to his chest. Arthur put a hand over his mouth, trying not to laugh. Glaring at him, Alfred huffed and turned back to the fidgeting child to finish his speech.

"Very good! And now, for the finishing touch, kiss the heart to show you'll love your penguin forever and ever!" He ended his speech with a flourish, a charismatic smile adorning his face. Peter kissed the heart with surprising care, and Arthur laughed. He actually laughed.

Trying not to smirk, Alfred quickly made up some lie to mess with the man. He faked a sad look, glaring at Arthur, and hung his head low. "I'm sorry Peter, but your big brother Arthur laughed. It made the heart lose some of it's love, now we're going to have to have him kiss it as well!"

Peter gasped, horrified. He looked between his brother and the employee, seemingly very upset. Staring at the heart in his small hand, he whimpered and glanced up at Arthur sadly. He held out the heart for his brother to kiss, to make it better.

"No," Arthur refused, "You're kidding me, right? This is ridiculous. The heart is fine, just put it in the penguin, Alfred."

Peter looked at Alfred expectantly, as if what his brother said was true. He shook his head sadly, and confessed, "It's not a happy heart until he kisses it for you, Peter. I'm sorry."

"ARTHUR!" Peter shrieked, eyes wide in panic. When he still didn't take the heart, Peter stomped his foot and threatened, "I'll tell Auntie Elizabeth and you'll never hear the end of it."

"Holy crap, fine, just don't tell her," Arthur grumbled in defeat, taking the satin heart. Staring at it with disgust, he paused, sighing, before bringing it to his lips and kissing it quickly. He flushed, holding it out in front of him, and snapped, "There, Peter. Finish your damn penguin."

Alfred smiled, taking the heart and put it deep into the penguin's stuffing. Briefly, he glanced up to make sure that no one else had come in. No one had, and it seemed Matthew and Feliciano had already left for the night. It wasn't a real big deal, there were only a few customers left to take care of, and each customer had an employee watching over them. He stitched up the stuffed animal, making sure no stuffing and the heart would somehow escape.

"Here you go, Peter," he smiled, handing the penguin to the young boy. He stood from his chair and started walking, "You ready to get your penguin some clothes?"

The two brothers followed Alfred past the stuffing machine to the area where the miniature clothes line the walls and shelves. All three of them stared at the walls, sometimes even the employees forgot how many different stuffed animals and different clothes there actually was. For a split second, he wondered if anyone had actually taken the time to do the math - how many combinations could there possibly be?

"You know, I was fully expecting to have a miserable time here," Arthur mentioned off-handedly as he stood next to Alfred, watching with slight interest as Peter mixed and matched clothes. He glanced sideways at the store employee, who was smiling as if he was waiting to be praised for something. Smirking, Arthur continued, "I wasn't wrong. However, what I _wasn't_ expecting is for a young man, who is way too attractive for a children's store by the way, to actually try and get me to enjoy this place."

Alfred laughed good-naturedly, sneaking another glance at him before turning his attention back to Peter. Apparently, the penguin definitely didn't have a gender, or if they did, didn't conform to the boy/girl clothing ideals. Peter went from pretty pink princess dresses to a baseball player from the Chicago Cubs, to what seemed to be a yodeler, complete with the feathered hat and overalls.

"Am I making your visit better or worse?" Alfred teased, winking at the other man. He wasn't sure what an exasperated huff and crossed arms meant from Arthur, but he hoped it was good. "I'll take that as 'way better'. Don't worry, I totally understand."

"Don't be cocky," Arthur swiftly retorted. He was about to continue his little conversation, but Peter came up to him, holding out the clothes he had supposedly picked for the penguin. Arthur sighed in exasperation, staring at his younger brother with disbelief. "Really? Are you kidding me?"

Peter pouted, instead holding them out for Alfred to approve. Laughing, Alfred took a closer look at the clothes. There was a black leather motorcycle jacket, with a pair of dark skinny jeans and black combat boots. Nodding his approval, he remarked, "The outfit would look really cool on your penguin, no doubt about it. They'll be the coolest penguin in the arctic circle."

"I don't - I don't even know where to start where any of this," Arthur protested weakly, "First, Alfred, that was so cheesy it was ridiculous. I don't even think Peter understood what you meant. Second, Peter, you want your penguin to be… a motorcyclist? Is that it?"

"Not a motorcycle rider, Artie," Peter denied seriously, shaking his head. His eyes lit up, smiling as he continued, "Auntie showed me a picture of what you looked like when you were younger! She called it your… um, what was it again… yeah!_ 'Punk Phase'! _I modeled my penguin after you!"

"Um… uh, you what?" Alfred asked in between giggles. He looked at Arthur, his face was so red he thought for sure the man would explode. Giggles turned into full out laughter when Peter ignored Arthur's (angry? embarrassed? constipated?) expression, and dressed his penguin carefully. "Your brother had a _punk phase?"_

"Yup, he did," Peter chirped easily in response. Grinning victoriously as he finally got the penguins legs into the jeans, he described the picture he saw in full. "If I hadn't known, I wouldn't have known it was Artie. He had spiky hair and a bunch of piercings, and was wearing a crazy amount of black. It was really cool, so I made my penguin after him."

"Don't you say another word," Arthur interrupted, glaring at Alfred before he could respond. The flush had lessened considerably, and it was obvious that he was irritated more than embarrassed. He pinched his nose in an effort to calm down; it probably wasn't a great idea to kill his little brother in a public place. He scowled at Alfred, who was still smiling a really obnoxious smile, and quickly defended himself, "Like you never had a stupid phase. Don't think you're any better than me."

"Oh no, I don't think I'm better than you," he explained with a soft smile. After the penguin was fully clothed, he tapped Peter on the shoulder, and pointed him to the next part of the Build-a-Bear experience: making the birth certificate. The little boy skipped happily away, with Alfred following closely behind him. When Arthur didn't follow, Alfred glanced over his shoulder and added, "I was thinking how hot you would've looked in your punk phase."

* * *

><p>"Here you go, Peter," Alfred announced, handing him the birth certificate.<p>

He grinned as Peter bubbled with excitement, jumping up and down. The kid showed Arthur the birth certificate, as if he hadn't already known what it read. Arthur had typed it for goodness' sake. The stupid penguin was named Chilly, for what reason, he had no idea. But he typed it anyway, because he was that good of a brother.

Actually, he just wanted to go home.

"Okay, we have the birth certificate. Happy birthday, Chilly," Arthur complained irritably, "Now can we go?"

"Nope! As much as I like ya, Artie," Alfred announced, completely ignoring the glare he earned, "You can't leave till you pay. And would you look at that, everyone else has already left! Why don't we get you checked out?"

"You're an ass," he grumbled, covering Peter's ears momentarily.

Arthur followed the employee to the front register, and realized that yes, everyone had already left. A bunch of the lights in the mall were off as well, save for a few lights to navigate the hallways to leave, so it really was just them. They stopped in front of the register, and Arthur dug through his wallet for his card, handing it to Alfred. Even though he should _probably_ care how much Peter would be making him spend, he really didn't feel like it.

"Not gonna even check the price, huh?" Alfred pointed out, chuckling. He swiped the card, easily handing it back to Arthur as he signed his name on the receipt. Finishing the last step of how to Build-a-Bear, Alfred ducked under the desk and pulled out the cardboard box in shape of a house. He put the certificate and a bunch of coupons in the house, and came around the front desk to give it to Peter. "Here ya go. You can either put Chilly in the box, or hold it. It's up to you!"

"I'll hold them, thank you Alfie!" Peter beamed, hugging Chilly to his chest. He shoved the box to Arthur for him to hold, making it much easier to snuggle Chilly. Of course, he was oblivious to the irritated eye roll from his brother.

Alfred smiled, watching as they two walked away. Suddenly, he panicked: he would probably never see them ever again. Even Arthur called him attractive, that had to mean something, right? What if he was waiting for something to happen?

"Wait!" He shouted, sighing in relief when Arthur turned around. Alfred jogged to the desk again, finding a mini teddy bear he kept, and grabbed a piece of paper, scribbling something almost intelligible on it. He rolled it up, shoving it in the bear's arms, making it look like it was holding the slip of paper. Glancing up, he made sure Arthur hadn't left, and ran to catch up with him. He hoped he wasn't blushing as he shoved the teddy bear into his hands, mumbling, "I forgot to give you this."

Arthur laughed, a knowing smirk on his face. He took the paper from the bear, opening it up, continuing to smile. Of course it was Alfred's number, what else could he have written? He patted Peter's head, telling him to go ahead, but not too far ahead. Smirking, he looked back at Alfred, he countered, "Do you do this for all the hot people that come in here?"

"Nah, just you," he smiled in reply. Alfred stretched his arms above his head, trying to seem nonchalant as he casually noted, "You're the hottest, anyway. So…"

"Good answer," Arthur approved with a lopsided smirk. He looked behind him to see his younger brother falling asleep standing up, and turned back to face Alfred. Looking everywhere but actually at him, Arthur coughed and reluctantly admitted, "Maybe this visit wasn't entirely miserable, after all."

"Yeah, maybe it wasn't," Alfred agreed happily, waving as he turned around and walked away.

Once Arthur caught up with Peter, the two brothers turned around and waved back. He watched happily as Peter grabbed his brother's hand, swinging them as he snuggled Chilly with the other arm. Arthur turned one last time to slightly face Alfred, and he held his free hand up to his face, making a phone with his pinkie and thumb. It looked ridiculously silly: a full grown man doing that action with a cardboard Build-a-Bear box hooked around his wrist. Of course, it ceased looking ridiculous when Arthur winked and mouthed _I'll call you._

It's amazing, what can happen at a Build-a-Bear Workshop.

_fin_


End file.
